One of the first things I ask the participants to do in my “Cut the Bull” anti-bullying course might seem and feel kind of silly, but it packs a punch. I ask them to take a sticky note and say three mean words—harsh and hurtful words that a bully might use. Next, I tell them to crumple the paper as they’re saying the words. After a minute, I ask them to uncrumple it. Say they’re sorry. Take back what they said.
The paper isn’t ripped or broken, but it will remain wrinkled. Always. This exercise often brings out a number of different emotions. Sometimes, it brings out a specific memory.
We all have instances from our earliest days of school that stick with us for life. In my case, while I have fond memories of playing with friends and learning from my teachers, I also have sour memories that stick out in greater detail. Once, when I was a kindergartener, I remember having fifth grade reading buddies through a school program meant to encourage storytelling and thought-sharing between grade levels. Now, at 22, I look back on the program and mostly think of one class period in particular. I remember my reading buddies hiding their arms in their shirts, mimicking. Pretending that they were missing a limb. They were laughing. At me.
I was born looking different from most kids, 10 weeks early and without a left arm. This was a shock to my parents. But more than anything, they wanted to ensure that I always had the love and support I needed. For as long as I can remember, they helped me through my medical and prosthetics journey at Shriners Children’s where I’d learn to build strength, confidence, and comfort with who I am. But parents can’t always protect against bullying nor can they always see it happen. Like the 54% of bullied 12 to 18 year-olds who don’t notify an adult at school, there were moments when I chose to handle it alone.
The actions of those kids, though they may not sting as much today as they did when they were said to me all those years ago, had a big impact and a “crumple” that will last forever. But honestly now, having one arm, to me, feels the same as having two arms, to you.
My own experiences led to my venture in understanding all about bullies, being bullied, and putting a stop to bullying. I wanted to stand up for the 1 in 5 high school students who report being bullied at school in the last year, and those in 28% of middle schools and 9% of primary schools that call bullying a daily or weekly occurrence. To do my part, I started speaking at local elementary schools through Shriners Children’s for their “Cut the Bull” campaign. I became a patient ambassador on behalf of the now 100-year-old organization that has always helped kids like me, who may look different, to feel normal as part of their mission.
When I ask my participants to do the sticky note exercise, they all seem to understand the meaning in their own way—in truth, when it comes to bullying, the impact and crumple effect will last forever.
Tips to Put An End to Bullying
Now, it’s my mission to try to help other kids be spared from this effect as they move forward in their lives. Alongside the teachings of Shriners’ “Cut the Bull,” here are my proactive tips to try (or share with your own kids) when it comes to putting an end to bullying this year:
Reflect on your own actions
Have you ever felt remorseful about something you’ve said to someone? Or have you said something online or behind someone’s back that you wouldn’t say to their face? Take a step back and assess your words and actions to better understand if you’ve been the “bully” in the past. Consider your intentions and the consequences in tandem to understand the reasoning behind your actions and how to not make the same choices in the future.
Learn the power of your words
When your words are chosen poorly, the consequences can be severe, even grave. Bullying can lead to a host of negative outcomes including decreased academic performance and health complications like depression and anxiety—words can hurt, but since we have the power to choose them, why not choose words that build people up? Also, remember your words can be used to intercept bullying. Bystanders can make all the difference in the moment. The time is now; speak up if you see someone being bullied.
Own your differences
If you’ve been picked on or bullied throughout your life, consider it an opportunity to educate others on the topic, and let them in on what they might not know. While it’s not your responsibility to educate others, it can help bridge the gap and increase understanding on both sides. Confidence may come with helping others around you understand the reasons you are unique.
Do your research
In addition to helping to educate others yourself, you can direct them to trusted sources. Many resources are available online and provide more information around alleviating bullying in our world. StopBullying, Pacer Kids Against Bullying and The Bully Project are a few of my favorites.
The Lasting Impact
When put into practice, being proactive around “Cutting the Bull” in bullying can make a real difference—and it guides me in my life and in my future career now. Today, I’m in school studying to become an occupational therapist, inspired by the care I received from Shriners Children’s and people I’ve met in classes and camps for people with upper extremity differences like me.
If you or someone you care about is dealing with the aftereffects of bullying—remember you are not alone. Try seeking out community support groups or speaking to those closest to you to find support. Surround yourself with positive, inspiring people who have goals of exuding confidence and good in the world.
The path is clear to me, and it can be for all of us: let’s work together to lessen the amount of “wrinkled sticky notes” in this world from this day forward.
To learn more about Shriners Children’s commitment to the well-being of children, visit ShrinersChildrens.org.